A moon full of resilience

Time to sit with your doubts and let them illuminate your enthusiasm.

It is a short one from me today, but one that hopefully brings you motivation to love your precious life and go after your dreams. Challenges included. I have been feverish and unwell for almost a week which has been a big test and brought up lots of things, which have yet to unravel completely. Performing a closing ceremony for my german cacao dieta today was soothing on so many levels and anchored me back into myself. Nevertheless I am taking it slower than usual and will hopefully get to deliver some intriguing mythology pieces over the next week or two. Please bare with me as I catch my breath.

My grandmother passed in the night before our arrival.

It was a sad four hours of driving to my fathers home in which I spent the early years of my childhood. I am the eldest of only two grandchildren and my grandmother loved me dearly, as did I love her.

Not being able to say goodbye is tough, even more so because I know I could have come earlier, but was hesitant to ask, being not only responsible for myself but also in consideration of my partner and child. Should have, could have and maybe its for the best. That´s at least what everyone tells me. And I get it, thank you to all my friends and family who want to reassure me that it all happens for a purpose and how it was probably good to have seen her last in summer, playing with my son on the huge balcony under the huge walnut tree. Instead of the hospital bed, life force fading.

And yes, her spirit was still lingering upon our arrival, I truly felt her presence and know, she knows.

I wish to speak to the power that comes from acknowledging and fully feeling the grief and frustration about this situation because glossing over it, doesn´t do it justice. Of course, on a rational level I know it is all “as it is meant to be” and I can be grateful for that. As I am grateful to my loved ones for comforting me. And simultaneously I don´t fear the anger, the sadness or pain of the situation. I am not afraid of the tears wetting my cheeks. Others are. Because we all know how hard it can be to see someone we love struggle. And how we want all to be just fine. Yet, we also know that being witnessed in our whole existence can be the most empowering thing for us to fuel our fire. The fire that lights up our own path for us to step on after a period of darkness.

So whatever you are going through, may it be personal or the cruel news that really run deep, allow yourself to go there. To fully feel. You might just need this fuel for your fire.

We need courage to change. Let your grief or anger be the coal that feeds your courage.

Courage comes from the latin word cor, meaning HEART. To be courageous can be translated as to be full of heart, heart-full, in your heart, with all your feelings.

This means, you are not supposed to get burned by your fire, eaten up and live in rage. No, quite the opposite: It means you are supposed to return. Return to the heart. The home of all, also love.

And from here I invite you to return to gratitude. For all you have. Your safety. Your family. Your aliveness.

This full moon illuminates where we are still in doubt, where we are governed by fear, where we got sick because of pain.

And this full moon doesn´t ask us to know the antidote. This lunation asks us to acknowledge where we are now and surrender. To ask more questions, to sit with doubt. Not to be swallowed by it, but to let go of the need to present an instant solution.

And instead practice devotion, faith and resilience.

I will soon explain how the Mythology of Avalon ties into all this, by weaving in a goddess named Morgana. A death doula of ancient earth tradition.

But for now I will go out and gaze at the moon.

THE WORLDS OF AVALON

From Mythology and Modern Magic. We start December 1st.

Online (and optional in person retreat), check it out here: https://lauradurban.com/avalon-course/