The subtle shade of outsourcing responsibility
There is a rich conversation to be had within. Much more valuable than any trip around the world.
It recently hit me how much mental struggle we are facing nowadays. And I can only talk about my little world and the people I know - but over borders there are many I do know that either consciously talk about their adhd, anxiety and insecurities and others stuck in unhappy lives, exhausted and not aware of the their mental and emotional state as it became the new norm.
Observing this I can’t help noticing a spectrum of extremes:
Complete neglect and therefore unable to change anything about an unhealthy situation because „it’s just how life is“.
Or:
Full awareness of cultural and societal changes and causes, yet with an external outsourcing of responsibility and internal stagnation („this is how I am because of emf, schooling, parents etc and now I need to create my life in a way that fits my disadvantages) - also unable to change.
What I experienced in life is phases, currents, ebb and flow, intensity and calm and most certainly change.
Now, what I would love to see more of are humans that bridge these changing waters of life with a helping hand.
Humans that made it from hamster wheel situations to external change and then to the NEXT stage of internal change.
People that not only allow their mind to open and comprehend their traumatic past, societal expectations and suppressed emotions but also allow to feel them instead of jumping right ahead to regulate it all away.
We know how important nervous system regulation is for an overstimulated body, a returning to nature, to self, to the Heart.
Yet when we try to jump from one shore to the other and skip the bridge of discomfort, integrate the transition and acknowledge its initiation - we carry forth patterns that will simply be taken on new appearances.
Change is inevitable.
If you don’t change internally the external will change but only to a degree that mirrors the internal still.
It’s a surface decoration change. Not a deep clean.
It’s a House move but with the same mice in the cupboards.
Popular phrase states we can’t run away from our problems even if we pack our backpack and travel the world. There is no place to hide.
This is a nuanced conversation to be had, and very individual. Very much depending on your personal phase, you personal pasta and your radical honesty.
As mentioned before, the external change is often necessary to start with and we need to make time for our internal to catch up and change, too. When we take the above paraphrase, it talks about people traveling (external change) without internal journeys and therefore the problems travel with you no matter how far you go.
This happens when we don´t make time to integrate. To sit and listen. To allow what has been hidden or suppressed or pushed aside, to surface.
There is a rich conversation to be had within. More valuable than any trip around the globe.
And you can have it now, wherever you are.
What is it you are currently avoiding to listen to? I would love to spark these precious conversations and get honest with each other:
When I notice myself avoiding my inner messages or distract from processing an uncomfortable emotion, I make myself a cup of cacao. Not any supermarket hot chocolate but the ceremonial, pure cacao paste made into a warm comforting drink that my hands can wrap around and hold. Chocolate will do, too though if you can´t get your hands on the special stuff. Tea as well. Coffee I wouldn´t recommend due to its pushy buzzy nervous system stimulation.
Regulation is important to come into a centred space from which you can allow yourself to experience discomfort. But don´t regulate it all away. Regulate to feel formerly unwanted emotions.
Cacao helps me to stay with it, to embrace the pain, face the fear and surrender to the Unknown. But whatever it is for you, will work. You might not need any substance but wish to light a candle or smell the flowers nearby, sit under a tree or next to a stream. Or in the bathtub. Maybe cuddling your cat helps you to open up to the internal dialogue.
Let me know what helps you to integrate instead of running further away from yourself!
Here is my affiliate link for the most grounding and deeply heart opening cacao I know. Due to its low caffeine content I drank it throughout pregnancy and postpartum and can drink it in the evening. Yes, all cacao and therefore chocolate contain caffeine naturally but they vary immensely depending on region, soil and variety. Other Cacao sources can be great for ecstatic dances or movement and activation but I mainly prefer cacao for my inner work, meditation and relaxation and therefore chose this one: