The Autonomy of Self
3 Steps to Become Sovereign
I love translating abstract ideas, philosophies and mysteries into practical day to day living. For you to implement and integrate your magic instead of fantasising of a life away from yours. And as you might guess from the name of this publication, becoming sovereign and helping you reclaiming your sovereignty is priority on my list of purpose and sacred service. See, sacredness doesn’t have to be all woowoo and incense sticks. Although I have one burning next to me as I write this. A bit of ritual goes a long way in fuelling the mundane task of sitting at a computer.
Today I explain you the difference between autonomy and independence and how to integrate sovereignty in our lives through a very profound and life changing practice. Which you will be surprised by, as it is simple yet truly eye-opening.
There’s an enduring idea in psychology called the theory of self-determination. It posits that we human beings have three innate needs: autonomy, relatedness, and competence. We want to achieve mastery in what we do. We want to belong. And we want to have control over our own lives and be our true selves.
~ Source here
Ruling over oneself means not be ruled by others including partners and institutions such as schools and even insurance companies. You might consciously choose to entrust your health and wealth to an external “power”, rooted in knowing you are in relationship and not in hierarchy.
Be honest with yourself, really.
I would argue if you really feel in sovereign power why would you give it away? Why give it into hands of others when you trust yourself to make the right choices and take responsibility for the wrong ones.
Most of us are afraid of the latter and avoid taking risks for which we might be judged, accused or in the worst case exiled (out of a community).
A lack of sovereignty is a result of living in fear under systems that benefit from us bending our knees to them. Fear makes for a fertile ground for capitalism. Fear leads us to comparison, to distrust and war. On a macro- and microcosmic level.
“Fear again. If you want to control someone, all you have to do is to make them feel afraid.” ~ Paulo Coelho, The Devil and Miss Prym
Meaning we are taught to be at war with ourself which manifests in external conflict. And it keeps the Wasteland suffering and it keeps the Rich Company exploiting.
For an explanation of the word and meaning of sovereignty, and the connection to mythic terms such as the Wasteland and the Rich Company please refer to these two of my former articles:
Only when we reclaim our sovereignty - read: responsibility, reciprocity and relatedness - we can co-create with the world.
Only when we take ownership of our inner realm - read: feelings, perception and stories we tell ourselves - can we make change in the outer realm.
Only when we (re-)learn what is genuinely important for us, including remembering our voice to speak up for our truth and aligning our actions with our values instead of following a generell doctrine and having our values dictated by trauma bonds, we can live our autonomy.
So much about the why and what, now let’s move on to the how:
How can we take our power back?
Autonomy
“The right to make your own decisions and guide your own life, or at least feel like you have those powers to.” ~ Michaeleen Doucleff
When we practice autonomy we have to continuously investigate ourselves which leads to more honest and interdependent relationships: with oneself, other humans and nature as a whole. We start to tend to the land and care about regeneration because we realise the scope of our actions and take responsibility for the consequences they are causing.
We can’t necessarily always be autonomous as we have to function in society but we can be sovereign nonetheless. The terms might appear similar at first glance, yet where autonomy is the power to do as you please and have freedom over your actions, sovereignty refers to also having rulership over yourself, accepting yourself as guide over your autonomy - which means that even if you can’t be fully autonomous, you are the one having made that choice by accepting the terms.
Sovereignty means to take up the lead for ones own path in life. To become the one who practices discipline and devotion and who knows that sometimes short term satisfaction or instant gratification have to be sacrificed in order to stay true to a higher goal. Sovereignty severs you from the control of others as it has you following your own truth and agenda.
This does not mean to separate yourself, on the contrary.
Remember: Autonomy comes with responsibility and does not try to exert control over others, it knows others have autonomy, too.
By sharpening our ability to take sovereign responsibility we also grant it others and instead of staying in co-dependent relationships or avoiding healthy connection through hyper independence, we finally find the missing piece in our modern society:
Interdependence
That’s what sovereignty teaches us. By taking up the reigns over our every day decisions we free ourselves from the enslavement of systems that operate through control.
Autonomy isn’t the same as independence. The two are quite different. In the theory of self-determination, autonomy means that you have free will and that you can stand behind your actions and their values. In other words, no one is forcing you to do something you disagree with. Independence means you don’t need or accept help, resources, or care from others. You function without others. Spot the difference? Autonomy doesn’t even require independence. You can absolutely be autonomous AND dependent on others for help and support. You can act in accordance to your beliefs, with free will, and still exchange support and care.
~Source here
This is at the core of my mythopoetic alchemy. Basically every mythological story I am closely working with boils down (hint hint cauldron1 innuendo) to the goddess of sovereignty, embodiment of the land who challenges men and anoints rulers. To me this can be translated into our task to relate in responsibility with ourselves, nature and others whilst restoring our sovereign birth rights.
And I wouldn’t be a priestess if I wouldn’t be a bridge, so let me propose you a practice for your personal journey:
Let’s get practical
You can start as simple as asking yourself every day before you leave the house: “Which step can I do today that is treading on the earth in sovereignty and with love for creation?”.
If you like a more elaborate, inquisitive and transformative practice, read on for a three step process.
1. Take out your journal and note down every area in your life where you are giving your power away.
Try not to judge yourself for it!
It is completely normal to feel overwhelmed, a bit cringe and maybe simply surprised at what comes up but stay present and keep going.
Note everything down from things you (dis)approve of to things you think are totally normal or necessary.
Examples are:
Insurance of any kind (write down ALL insurances you have)
Doctors, GPs, dentists, midwifes
Teachers, schools, institutions
Bosses, jobs, university, etc.
Parents, family, promises, duties and expectations
Partner(s), husband/wife, girl/boyfriend, emotional dependencies
Friends, old and new, colleagues, perceived identity in social circles
Taxes, benefits, state etc.
2. Write down in which areas of your life you are trying to control the outcome, a person or yourself.
Again: try not to judge yourself for it!
You might feel guilty, shameful or even righteous. Allow these feelings to bubble up and keep on. You might decide to pause to further reflect and sit with the part of you that is triggered and wants some love and recognition. Feel free to do so but make sure to not let it distract you from going further, as it might fear you are coming to close to an even bigger revelation.
Examples are:
Health, wellness, fitness
Your children
Loved ones
Clients
Your business
Hobbies
Your pets, daily schedule, workouts, etc
3. What does it mean
Look at the lists and compare:
Are they both similarly filled and cover certain areas? If you can find a specific accumulation - let’s say work or health - that would be a good place to start focussing on.
You don’t have to change anything. This is a starting point for you to become aware and notice how much you are giving your power away and/or try to control. These are interdependent mechanisms. We run away from our problems and at the same time we want others to solve theirs (or yours).
It’s a big outsourcing and reliance on the external. Which I see as one of the core issues in our current culture.
Awareness is the first step to change. For a long time I certainly wasn’t aware about how strongly I depended on the external without trusting in my power whatsoever. And I soon realised that it was my coping mechanism for avoiding asking myself what I truly wanted. A part of me didn’t believe I deserved to dream my own dreams.
I assume your lists will surprise you as you might have believed yourself to have lots of power over your own life only to realise that through the W.E.I.R.D ways of western culture you were living in illusion. You could say this practice is helping you in your awakening. I am not a fan of this term. Yet it is essentially that.
How to continue
If you choose to embark on your journey of sovereignty I would recommend choosing one point of each of your list to intentionally transform.
Start with something that makes you uncomfortable but is not too daunting. Take health insurance for example: I come from Germany where having a health insurance is obligatory and there is simply no way around it. Moving to the UK felt weird as here I have access to free health care however it often is not the care I would want and in the end I decided to get a private dentist insurance because it saves me money (and pain) because I have more crowns that I can keep count. For other things where I don’t have chronic issues I prefer to rely on my own savings should the need for medical intervention occur instead of planning ‘just in case’. Again, in Germany I simply would not have this option which now strikes me as very limiting. But it became a choice once I was aware of it, even down to the choice of living in a certain country or not.
You see, you might not need to make changes but you will notice subtle shifts occur in your perception.
Next, and probably more difficult is releasing control over others.
Again pick a topic, maybe you relationship. And start reminding yourself every time you are acting out of fear that the other person will or will not do something you like and try to control them. Then start letting go, slowly. Preferably with something that is not priority number one like an important car fix before a long trip. More like a grocery list. If you expect your partner to forget the butter and want to send them a message, leave it. Let it go. Allow them to forget it, expect yourself not having it and when they return without it smile at them with warmth and understanding. Respond to them with a patient ‘not a big deal, we get it tomorrow’ - where you would have usually rolled your eyes or acted annoyed. Can you see how you are taking control over your behaviour rather than that of others and are able to change your mood and therefore make someone else feel safe?
Also, let yourself be surprised, next time they might return with the full list, and a bar of your favourite chocolate on top.
Where do you cling on control and what can you do to take your power back? I would love to hear in the comments:
Want to dive into the mythopoetic work of sovereignty?
In this workshop I walk you through the ages of change that the Grail Myths have gone through, its origin and meaning for us today. You will learn about the priestesses and bearers of sacred vessels, water goddesses and their relevance and reverence.
You will learn how to apply your personal Grail Quest to your life for environmental impact und relational conflict resolution as well as understand what it symbolises for you and how you can take your steps to find and activate it in your life right now.
You can find the recording here:
Many thanks for the shout out Laura. And great article...lots to chew on here.